


Staying Together as We Fall Apart

by starrylitme



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Burns, Complicated Relationships, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Minor Violence, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Serious Injuries, Threats of Violence, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 08:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Komaeda's plan failed. It failed spectacularly and horrendously and there’s no recovering from it. Hinata Hajime ruined everything.And he really, really doesn't understand how things turned out this way. There's only one thing he's sure about.That he's glad Komaeda survived.(Obligatory "What if Komaeda's Chapter 5 Plan Failed" fic by yours truly. What a day to finally post that one.)





	Staying Together as We Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Iiiiiit's Komaeda's bday rn. And I know I already posted something for KamuKoma Week but like, I've had this fic like, 80% finished for like...months and it was due for years. Whoops. Well. It's finished now. Here it is. I'm all about those Komaeda Survives AUs so I'm glad I finally got this one out there.
> 
> It's probably a lot unhappier than other fics with this premise because, like, I feel like Komaeda surviving would only make things more tumultuous, ironically. More tumultuous but...a lot more interesting, too. I almost wanted to write further but if I attempted that, I probably wouldn't have ever finished it.
> 
> Stiiiiiiill, I'm pretty alright with this fic which is surprising considering how old some of the writing is. I think it's pretty strong. I hope you enjoy it, too.
> 
> Happy Komaeda Day~ I'm so happy he exists~~

_Will this ending be one of despair or one of hope?_

_It’s not like I’ll be around to see it, but, more than anything I want..._

At some point, he grew numb to the burning agony all across his body. He just laid in silence in darkness, breathing heavily through his nose as the tape’s underside grew moist and slimy rather than sticky against his open mouth. Any moment he could shut his eyes tight and drift into painful darkness, but he resolutely stared upwards towards the ceiling and the hanging spear.

_There can’t be anything but a brilliantly hopeful ending from this, right? That’s right... That’s right._

He’s going to die here. It shouldn’t matter.

But there was going to be a brilliantly hopeful ending at the end. It hurt now—it really, _really_ hurt—but once it was all over, there’d be nothing but hope. Nothingness and hope.

_So hurry up already,_ he can’t help but think, tiredly and irritably. _Worthless despairs—how long are you idiots going to make me wait? Come over here right away—hurry_ **up** _—_

**_Hinata-kun..._ **

“K- _Komaeda_?!”

Komaeda’s fluttering gaze shot open wide as he turned. Standing in the entryway, stiff and staring down with nothing short of unremarkable, completely expectable horror on his plain, plain features was _Hinata-kun_.

Komaeda’s grip on the spear slipped as both he and Hinata _screamed_.

* * *

“Guys?! GUYS?! Y-You’re here?!”

There was music playing, but they still somehow picked up on that exclamation.

“Hinata...?!” Souda gasped as Kuzuryuu cursed. “Hinata, where ARE ya? I-Is that nutjob...?!”

“H-Hold on...!” Hinata shouts and none of them could see him even as they looked around. “I... I’m on my way, just...!”

That was around when the fire started.

* * *

“S-Shit! Fuck! Guys! _GUYS_!”

“Hinata-san—! K-Komaeda-san?!”

“Hold on! We’ll do something about these flames!”

“Just—try to stay safe. Both of you.”

“H...Hurry...!”

_This was absolutely incredible. This was amazing! This was, was...!_

This was complete and utter despair. From the roaring flames to the rope that had been torn off to the hanging spear that Hinata had dragged him out from under.

Hinata was coughing from the smoke. But Hinata was still jostling him, trying to drag him further as Komaeda regarded him blankly.

“U-Urgh... H... Hang in there... Komaeda...”

Komaeda could’ve laughed if the sound wasn’t muffled and if it didn’t hurt to breathe so bad. Hinata is cursing over and over and rather violently, he shoves his tie over Komaeda’s nose. It doesn’t do much, it just makes it hurt more, but Hinata is trembling.

Hinata hisses suddenly. His shaking gets worse. His grip tightens and it’s worse than the blinding agony of his hand.

“K-Komaeda... Komaeda...”

Due to the flames, they’re trapped. For one brief, terrifying moment, Hinata seems as though he’s about to pass out from the smoke.

But through sheer force of will or something—something else, Hinata manages to stay alert until the sprinklers finally, finally go off.

And at that point, nothing else matters at all. Not even in the slightest. There’s not even any point in staying awake anymore.

“Komaeda...? H-Hey, Komaeda...! No, just... Just keep your eyes open...! Please!”

Hinata sounds so upset that Komaeda squeezes his eyes shut out of spite.

_I should be the one crying right now._

It’s such a pitiful, vile thought. And the warmth of Hinata’s desperate embrace, the frantic brushes of his hand against his hair are all the worse for it.

_I could die of humiliation right now. I wish I did._

“Hinata—! HINATA!!!”

“Guys! H-Hurry! I—I don’t know how much longer he’s going to last— _please_!!”

_God. This is the fucking worst._

* * *

The others arrive. They see the state he’s in. Sonia screams. Kuzuryuu is the one who directs Hinata how to remove the knife embedded in his hand. That makes Komaeda scream, Hinata soothes him clumsily, apologizing softly, and, through his blurring vision—Komaeda can almost swear that someone is looking down upon him so coldly.

He wonders if it’s the traitor or someone else.

“Please... Take me back...” Once the tape’s removed, all he can do is beg like the worthless dog he is. “T-Take me back... I don’t... I-I don’t... I _don’t_...!”

“Don’t _squirm_ so much, you asshole!”

“Please... _Please_...!”

“Komaeda, please! Calm down!”

“Just let me go back! Let me go!”

“K-Komaeda—!”

_It hurts. It hurts so much. Aha. Haha. The person who’s looking down on me—_

As he passes out, the only thing he’s sure about is that it’s not Hinata Hajime.

* * *

After that, _well_... Monokuma had seemed a little disappointed but who the hell cared. They managed to get Komaeda Nagito to the hospital, and after that, Hinata found himself in a painful position, too.

“Ow!”

“Uh, sorry.” Kuzuryuu does look really apologetic, clicking his tongue with a tense sigh as he tried cleaning the wound at least a little gentler. It still stung and had Hinata wincing as Kuzuryuu mumbled, near inaudibly, “I’m not exactly Tsumiki...”

“These don’t look that serious though,” Souda notes as he bandages his arm. “You can get some really nasty burns—but you uh, got real lucky, Hinata.”

“Lucky, huh,” Hinata mused.

Of course, Souda and Kuzuryuu both soured immediately. Souda in particular just let out a long, aggravated groan.

“Seriously what the hell even happened to that guy? Did someone seriously torture him or did that freak do all that shit to himself? Why did a fire get set off? What was with the bomb shit?! I told ya—we should’ve just kept him tied up from the start!”

“What I wanted to know,” Kuzuryuu murmured, low and deathly cold, “is why that fucker wanted to go back into the building so badly when he was...like that...”

“He was just crazy!” Souda exclaimed. “Since when does ANYTHING that asshole does make a lick of sense?!”

“I don’t think so...” Hinata spoke up suddenly and slowly. “Komaeda seemed...hysterical about something. I’ve never seen him get like that except when he had the Despair Fever. Surely he had a motive for pulling off a stunt that complicated and...if he really injured himself like that...”

_Was he really trying to get himself killed? For what? Was he hoping we’d think he was murdered? That... Something’s off about all this..._

“We can interrogate him later,” Kuzuryuu huffed. “For now, we’re letting Monokuma treat that idiot and then...”

“We’re getting out of here,” Souda finished, firm and final. “Even if we have to drag that psychopath after us on a chain leash.”

“Did you have to be so weirdly specific?” Kuzuryuu asked, flustering him.

“I-It was just the first thing that came to mind for some reason! Don’t ask questions! Don’t look so deeply into it either!”

Hinata, smiling a bit at the banter, faltered soon after.

_...Something’s really, really off about all this._

* * *

“Hinata-san, I’m so sorry! If I had just realized sooner that the bombs were fake...!”

“Sonia,” Hinata put up his hands between the two of them, smile strained. “None of this is in any way your fault.”

“Ugh.” Owari’s nose wrinkled in distaste as she took in his bandages arms and face. “You look terrible, though. At least the bandages look about right. But if they get undone, I’ll fix ‘em later, alright?”

“Thanks, Owari,” he replied, nodding. His smile twists all the same. “But, really, I’m fine. So you don’t need to worry about me.”

_Annoyingly, the one I’m worried about is..._

“...That guy...how is he doing?”

Owari’s face soured immediately and even Sonia’s mood seemed to plummet. Incredibly, Sonia took a deep breath, demurely folded her hands, and she answered.

“Komaeda-san should survive.” Owari scoffed, but Sonia admirably went on. “But his injuries were...of course...much more serious than yours so he’s not...ready to take visitors quite yet.”

Hinata nodded as Owari rolled her eyes.

“Who the hell even cares?” she complained, loudly. “With how that asshole had us running around like idiots, this is just what he _deserves_.”

Sonia flinched, as did he.

“Look,” he said. “I’m pissed, too, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. He was _tortured_ , Owari.”

“He coulda did that shit to himself,” Owari pointed out. “It’s pretty likely, ain’t it? Komaeda’s definitely crazy enough to do that.”

“...Then does that not make the situation even more disturbing?” Sonia asked quietly. “Komaeda-san is...extreme but...this was... _so_ extreme.”

“Is it really _that_ hard to believe?” Owari shot back. “He’s crazy. That’s all there is to it.”

Sonia had nothing to say to that, but Hinata thought it over, irritated.

_No... Even for Komaeda, this was..._

“Still, we don’t know the whole story,” he said. “Until then, let’s just...refrain for now. Haven’t the past few days been exhausting enough?”

Owari stills, and she falters, and she nodded.

“Yeah,” she replied, softly and gruffly. “Fair enough, Hinata.”

It’s then, that he remembers, and can’t help but ask.

“By the way...where’s Nanami?” Hinata wondered if she was just playing games. The lodge had been miraculously fixed and it wasn’t like there was much else but wait around while Komaeda recovered. He wouldn’t be surprised, even if he very bitterly envied her, too, if that were the case.

“She’s standing guard,” Owari said. “For that guy. Just in case someone actually was trying to kill him, or so she said...”

Well, never mind that. Hinata couldn’t help but be irritated with himself for thinking otherwise.

“Hinata-san...” Sonia very carefully touches his shoulder. “You should get some rest. Do you want to rest here or back at your cabin? I do not mind accompanying you.”

“Me neither,” Owari added. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“You can help Nanami-san guard Komaeda-san,” Sonia pointed out. And she rolled her eyes hard.

“I don’t have anything _better_ to do.”

That irritation flared up even more.

“Actually,” Hinata cut in with a bit more force than necessary. “I’ll just...use one of the beds here. It’s no big deal and... I’m not in the mood to walk all the way back. You two can just...go.”

The way he spoke didn’t seem to have much in the way in room to argue, but that was just fine. Owari nodded like it wasn’t even a problem, and Sonia complied ever politely.

“Feel free to use the buzzer if you need anything,” she said. “Kuzuryuu-san already agreed to stay here just as he had before.”

_Before...that’s right, this isn’t the first time Komaeda’s had to fight for his life in this stupid hospital..._

Thinking that...really annoyed him so much _more_.

“Thanks, Sonia.”

* * *

Trying to get to sleep was decidedly an absolute pain in the _ass_. Even with the painkillers and bandages, there was hardly a position he could find that didn’t press into his wounds and cause them to ache. Stupid fire. Stupid Komaeda. Stupid culprit behind all this who very well and very easily could have also been Komaeda. Fucking Komaeda.

He didn’t have a great dream, either. Everything was burning, even his feet, and Komaeda wouldn’t stop laughing, laughing, laughing as Monokuma batted Hinata around like a ball of yarn. He woke up, groggy and pained and even more irritated.

And in one of the other beds, Nanami slept so serenely he wanted to scream. He did, in fact, muffle said scream against a pillow. And Nanami stirred awake.

“Hinata...kun...?”

“It’s nothing.” The words come out like a croak. What Hinata wouldn’t give right now to choke on a frog. “So you’re...taking a break from guarding, Nanami...?”

“Mm...” Nanami pushed herself up, rubbing at her eye with a soft yawn. “Kuzuryuu-kun’s guarding. So is...Monomi, I think.”

“I see,” Hinata replied.

“Ah, Komaeda-kun should be awake and available to visitors in a bit,” Nanami went on to say. “He’ll be...hungry, I think. Should I bring him something?”

“He has IVs in, doesn’t he?” Hinata muttered. “So he’s not being starved this time.”

“I suppose that’s true,” she agreed.

He couldn’t help but get more annoyed, and he shoved himself up.

“Nanami,” he said. “How long ago did you and Kuzuryuu switch?”

“Um...” She squeezed her eyes tight, trying to think. “A few...hours...? Three...or five? I dunno. I’ve been asleep for most of that time, I think.”

“There’s a clock, Nanami.”

“Oh... So there is.” Nanami blinked at the clock Hinata had gestured toward, and she nodded. “Yep. Five hours. I napped for a while, huh.”

Hinata stepped out of the bed, running fingers through his hair.

“Are you gonna go?” she asked, blinking those pink doe eyes at him next. “I mean, I should go, I think...since I agreed to guard him first...”

“Nanami,” he said, sighing. “It’s not like I have anything _better_ to do when I can’t get any amount of decent sleep like this.”

She blinked once. Twice. And then, her head tilted. “I suppose that’s true.”

He supposed.

* * *

“And you’re sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, really.”

“...Hm.”

“Kuzuryuu, _really_.”

Kuzuryuu sighed, but he nodded all the same, patting Hinata’s shoulder. It doesn’t hurt. Not really. But he can’t help but remember how he supported Komaeda’s surprisingly slight frame on that shoulder.

Kuzuryuu is on his way soon after that, leaving Hinata just waiting there, outside the door, with the light still on, signaling an operation in progress. And so, Hinata sits down, and he waits.

And waits.

And waits.

* * *

He’s not sure how long it is. He wasn’t keeping track, not really.

(But if he did, he’d guess it had been about 4 hours, 52 minutes, 29 seconds, and 13 milliseconds. But that’d just be a guess. Just a guess.)

The doors open, and Monokuma waddles out. He pretends to look as surprised as he is quite disgustingly delighted.

“Hinata-kun! How nice of you to visit your dear, _dear_ friend!”

“How is he?” he asked, voice gruff. “Did you kill him?”

“Moi? Of course not! I’m a bear of my word!” Monokuma exclaimed, giving a dreamy, flushed smile. “To disappoint you is such easy despair... But at the same time, it’s too easy. I might as well fulfill my words and wait for you to disappoint yourselves.”

“That’s nonsensical,” Hinata huffed. “How long will it be before Komaeda can take visitors?”

“Oh, you can go in there now!” Monokuma said. “There’s no need to wait! Just dive right in! He was up for a while anyway. All while I was working on him! Creepy, huh?”

He wasn’t even surprised, be it at Komaeda in general or at Monokuma’s usual audacity.

“...He’s going to be in a bad mood, then,” Hinata muttered, guessing. “Is he in pain?”

“Despairing agony, Hinata-kun! What else would you expect from your darling headmaster?” Monokuma blinked at him, all spinning flowers and sparkles. He winked, and it wasn’t any better. “But he’s beary, beary stubbornly alive. I can’t help but be beary impressed!”

This was getting difficult to...tolerate.

“I’m going to see him, then.”

“Heh?! So soon?! Gosh, you boys really are impatient, huh? So ready to get down and dirty!” Monokuma panted. Then he giggled, vibrating with delight. “You’re such a good friend, Hinata-kun! No, even closer than a friend, perhaps... A soulmate?!”

_Souda said something like this._ He takes it even less seriously now because it’s _Komaeda_ , for fuck’s sake.

“Are you going to get out of the way or do I have to walk around?” he asked snappily. Monokuma stiffened, and then twirled out of the way.

“I’ll forgive you now, but never speak to your headmaster like that again!” He brandished sharp claws with a sharper gleam in his beady little eye. “Or else!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hinata muttered and didn’t even look at him as he opened the door and let himself in.

Then and there, it’s like a weight dropped onto his shoulders, leaving him struggling to do something as simple as swallow.

“...O... Oi... Komaeda...?”

* * *

He hadn’t gotten an answer at first. Komaeda wasn’t even looking at him. Komaeda was still lying down on the hospital bed, wrapped in bandages, gaze on the window. It was...reminiscent to when this had been Kuzuryuu in what felt like so, so long ago. But even then, Komaeda looks so much smaller, so much frailer, than even Kuzuryuu.

Hinata steps forward, and the weight on his shoulders shifts and threatens to shatter him in a moment’s notice if he’s not too careful.

“Komaeda.”

Nothing.

“Ko _mae_ da.”

Still nothing.

“Komaeda,” Hinata growled. “I _know_ you can hear me, so just...answer already. For fuck’s sake.”

“Forgive me,” Komaeda said so airily. “I didn’t think I was listening to anything _important_.”

_God, what a jackass._

“Komaeda, we need to talk.”

Komaeda still wasn’t looking at him.

“Komaeda...” His voice rose. “ _Oi_...!”

“You’re so noisy,” Komaeda cut in dryly. “You can’t even give me time to gather my thoughts? My, my, for a reserve, you’re _especially_ careless.”

Hinata flinched, and he slumped.

“...how are you feeling?” he asked lamely. “You...lost a lot of blood...”

“You don’t say,” Komaeda replied dully, still staring out the window. Hinata could almost see that unimpressed face reflected in the glass. “Any other stellar observations, reserve-san?”

Hinata grits his teeth.

“That situation,” he growled. “Who _did_ that to you? The others said...that you left a video claiming that you’d expose the traitor. Well? Who is it? Or was that another lie?”

“Who knows,” Komaeda said so simply it infuriated him even more.

_Is he even taking this seriously?! And after he got tortured!_

**_...tortured..._ **

Hinata’s eyes swept over him again, taking in those bandages...those slender limbs with protruding bone...

He can’t imagine how much it would’ve hurt. The burns were a minor anguish but for Komaeda, who got smoke into those open wounds... It must have been searing _agony_.

Warily, Hinata drew closer.

“Komaeda... Come on,” he said, raising his hands. “You... You have to explain at least _some_ things.”

Finally, Komaeda looked at him. He looked at him...like he was _a fucking idiot_.

“No,” Komaeda said. “I don’t. It doesn’t matter.”

**_The hell it doesn’t._ **

“That’s for me to decide,” Hinata said, tensing. “Either way, I’m not going to let you wiggle out of this. With everything you’ve fucking done, I demand at least some kind of explanation.”

“What if I don’t comply?” Komaeda asked, blinking at him almost innocently. “What are you going to do? _Torture_ me?”

And just like that, Komaeda’s eyes lit up with bright mania.

“I’m sure Kuzuryuu-kun knows a few methods! Ooh, maybe Sonia-san would know some as well? I’m sure Souda-kun can get pretty creative if he puts his mind to it. Maybe Owari-san can hold my head under water?” Komaeda’s lilt dropped to a low jeer just as Hinata began to see red. “Hey, Hinata-kun, what kind of _games_ do you think Nanami-san would like to play—?”

Hinata’s features latched onto his robe as he was yanked up to eye-level, the other scowled with the ugliest of glares.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Hinata hissed, practically spitting into his face. “What have we _done_?”

Komaeda blinks at him.

“What have you done,” he repeats, less like a question and more like a deadpan. “What have you _done_ —oh goodness, surely you aren’t _seriously_ asking me that?”

“Yes!” Hinata shouted, bluntly and furiously. “Because I’d REALLY like to know! It’s one thing for you to treat me with disdain for being talentless—but it’s another thing for you to treat everyone else with just so much...malice! Don’t... Don’t tell me this is still all about your bullshit with the idea of hope...!”

“Yes, that’s exactly what it is,” Komaeda says without missing a beat. He meets his burning glare with flippancy. “It’s because of hope. I was going to bring upon the ultimate hope. And you got in my way, Hinata-kun. Isn’t that so inconsiderate of you?”

“Inconsiderate?! What even the—?!”

There was a loud, resounding thud as the back of Komaeda’s skull cracked from Hinata shoving him into the wall. And somehow, that sound had Hinata cutting himself off immediately, his grip loosening as Komaeda’s eyes fluttered open and shut blearily, dizzily from the impact.

After a moment of Hinata still with shock at himself, Komaeda finally groaned, whining.

“T-That... That really _hurt_ , Hinata-kun....!”

Hinata yanked himself back, heart thumping hard against his ribcage, hands trembling as he clenched them into tight, painful fists.

“S... Sorry... S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“If you were any rougher, I could have gotten a concussion. I could have _died_ ,” Komaeda pauses while gingerly rubbing the back of his head, and his gaze flickers upwards to meet widened hazels. “Is that what you were planning? Were you going to have everyone think I died from these other injuries?”

“NO!” Hinata shouted, and then quieted. “N-No... No, it was just an accident... I’m sorry, I just... I’m not...”

_I’m not really that kind of person, right?! I wouldn’t do that—right? But all this time, I thought I had a talent when in reality..._

“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic,” Komaeda scoffed. “I wouldn’t let myself get murdered by a mere reserve student. I was just in the middle of telling you that plan wouldn’t have worked.”

“Let... Let’s not talk about this...” Hinata says, swallowing, and then remembering. “The traitor. You said you were going to expose the traitor. Who was it?”

Komaeda’s mouth shut.

“You did all that bomb scare nonsense to lure out whoever the traitor was—and according to the others, you left a message saying that...” Shaking his head, Hinata pushed forward. “Who are they? Who the hell have you been doing all this for? Were they the reason I found you like...?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Komaeda finally answered. “It doesn’t matter at all, Hinata-kun.”

“The HELL it doesn’t!” Hinata exclaimed incredulously.

“It doesn’t.” Komaeda didn’t even blink. “It really, really doesn’t.”

“Komaeda,” Hinata hisses. “I don’t care if it does—I demand to know.”

“Because it’s the demands of a reserve course student matter to me now?” Komaeda asks, narrowing his eyes into something sharp. “You don’t even deserve to lick dirt off my _shoe_ , Hinata-kun.”

“Screw you—I **_TRIED_** to understand you, I really did!” Hinata yelled, voice rising higher and higher. “I _listened_ to you—I put up with you for _hours_! I didn’t have to! I didn’t even want to!”

Komaeda gave him a look that made him flinch. Still, he refused to back down.

“That was your choice,” Komaeda simply said with a shake of his head. “In no way did I ask for it.”

“Except you _did_ ,” Hinata hissed. “Don’t lie to me so _shamelessly_ , you asshole. I remember you _asking_ me to listen to you. Which I did up until the point you proved it was all just _a waste of my time_.”

“Ooh, you really believe that’s what happened? Goodness, Hinata-kun, I can’t believe I had it so wrong!” The saccharine of his tone just oozed with sarcasm. Komaeda’s sugary sweet smile soon dropped, now cold and unimpressed. “Even if that were remotely accurate to what happened, you still shouldn’t expect repayment for your _wasted time_. That’s disgustingly conceited and entitled.”

“I’m not asking for repayment!” Hinata exclaimed, furious. “I just want some _DAMN_ answers!”

“Why?” Komaeda asks, and then demands, “Why?! Why does it even matter to you?! Hinata-kun, I already said—!”

“You said you were _sure_ I had an amazing talent,” Hinata said, cutting him off. “You said you’d _sacrifice_ yourself for everyone else. You said you didn’t want to die _without someone loving you_. And guess what, Komaeda?” His tone dropped into something severely low, and bitterly cold. “All of that— _you took **back**_. So forgive me if I don’t give much thought to the bullshit you’ve already _said_.”

It’s maybe the third time he’s seen Komaeda at a loss for words. It’s probably the second time that Komaeda’s sincerely been at a loss of words. With the way Komaeda stares back at him, stricken, wide-eyed and mouth ajar with shock before opening and closing uselessly—Hinata finds he doesn’t doubt this face at all.

And, despite everything, that makes guilt _gnaw_ at him. And how stupid is that? He didn’t say anything wrong, right? It’s _Komaeda’s fault_ for being such a **liar** , isn’t it? _Komaeda’s always trying to trick everyone— **he needs to be put in his place.**_

_...what place is that?_

Hinata’s shoulders slump as he lets out a heavy, heavy sigh.

“I just...” He says, the words dragging out before he sighs again. “I just don’t understand any of this. Even compared to what you’ve already done—this whole thing just... It’s completely insane.”

Komaeda’s mouth firmly shuts. But his lips are trembling. His eyes are even glimmering. Hinata immediately perks up with surprise.

_He looks like he wants to cry._

_That **can’t** be right._

“I... I just want some explanation for all this. There has to be a reason for it. Please...” When did he start pleading? “Komaeda, was the information in that handbook you found really _just_ about me?”

Komaeda blinks at him, giving no other visible reaction. He doesn’t look close to tears anymore, but Hinata wasn’t sure if that was an improvement. Komaeda just stares and stares like the words didn’t even register until,

“What do you _think_ , Hinata-kun?”

“I think—no, I’m sure you lied about that.” He’s absolutely positive now. And suddenly, vague pieces are clicking into place even if he’s sure he has nowhere near the whole picture. “There was more information in there than just my profile. There’s... There’s stuff in there about _everyone_ , isn’t there?”

Komaeda doesn’t answer. He presses.

“It’s not just me you got irritable with after you read that thing. It was with everyone. You—you got so _cruel_ ,” Hinata trembles a bit, and asks, “What about us did you learn to make you _act_ like that towards us? What did we _do_?”

“Oh, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says, with dull interest. “You’re getting pale. Are you alright?”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

Komaeda avoids his stare. Instead, he asks, quietly, “Were you like this when Nanami-san found you by the Final Dead Room?”

“I—!” Realization immediately smacked him hard in the face, and his eyes went from wide to sharply narrowed in suspicion. “How the hell do you _know_ about that?”

“Lucky guess!” Komaeda chirps with so much cheer that Hinata wanted to punch his face in. Again, there was that innocent smile on his lips—and again, Komaeda’s lashes lowered over a soft, disingenuous gaze. “I’m glad the two of you had that moment.”

“That—! That has nothing to do with anything right now!” Hinata practically shouted.

“And this interrogation of yours is getting increasingly meaningless, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda said easily, still so insufferably calmly. “So, I figure, if you’re going to waste _my_ time...”

“Then what the hell was up with that torture scene?!” Hinata demanded impatiently. “Did you really do all that shit _on your own_?!”

“If I just say yes, will you drop the matter?” Komaeda asks, almost childishly.

“Why would you do something like that to yourself?!”

“As a form of self-flagellation, maybe?” Komaeda says it like he’s guessing. “Or purification? I could’ve been trying to exorcise a demon. It just got a little messy.”

“With your blood?!”

“ _Was_ it my blood?”

“It was definitely your blood!”

“Are you sure?”

“What else could it have been?!”

“Hmm...”

“Komaeda, you’re not taking this seriously!”

“Nope.” Komaeda’s wide, bright smile was absolutely shameless. “And you shouldn’t either. Do you want to know why?”

Hinata, helplessly flustered and frustrated to the point of tears, could only humor him. “Why?”

“Because I did in fact plan everything. Everything that happened, from the fake bomb scare to the state you found me in—it was all part of my plan. And you know what else?” Komaeda didn’t even wait for his response, and instead shrieked, “My plan _failed_! It failed spectacularly and horrendously and there’s no recovering from it! I failed, Hinata-kun, I failed at everything I wanted to accomplish because of _you_! You, Hinata _Hajime_ —you ruined **_EVERYTHING_**!!”

Hinata actually did flinch back.

“You ruined everything,” Komaeda repeated, breathlessly like almost he couldn’t believe it while the darkness in his eyes swirled and swirled into something tumultuous. “You ruined everything, Hinata-kun—you truly _are_ the **Ultimate Despair**...”

“All I did was save you,” Hinata heard himself replying, and he sounded weak and pitiful. “What even the hell? You’re accusing me of causing despair from something like that? You wanted to die that badly? You wanted to die like _that_? If you really feel that way... If you really, truly _felt_ that way...”

“Hi...” Komaeda blinks, irises still unsettled but also blank and dazed. Hinata saw his own hands reach for him—“Hinata-kun...?”

His thumbs barely brush against the tender pulse in his throat. Hinata feels just how thin that neck is as his finger wrap around it. He remembers Owari’s grip—and he sees that there are still bruises on the pale skin here. Owari’s fingers were—just a little thicker than his own...

“Hinata-kun...” Komaeda seems completely calm now. His voice doesn’t even shake, and he meets his stare evenly, defiantly. “Hinata-kun.”

Hinata’s completely still. He doesn’t squeeze, and he doesn’t pull away. It’s like he’s gone completely frozen and his brain just...stopped.

“Hinata-kun, I’ll _scream_ ,” Komaeda says, hissing with promise.

Hinata yanks himself away with a strangled gasp, his heel just slipping underneath him and making him crash harshly onto his back against cold, hard tiles.

_It hurts._

He’s shaking all over. _It hurts._

His breathing is rushed and harsh but it feels like he’s the one choking. _It hurts._

His vision blurs— _it_ _hurts_.

Everything seems to be shutting down— ** _it hurts!_**

He’s panicking. He only barely hears Komaeda’s dull, uninterested drone overhead.

“Oh, Hinata-kun’s having an attack.”

**_It hurts._** Hinata’s struggling to scream.

“Hinata-kun, your face is turning purple.”

His face is damp with tears and sweat, and his nails are scraping and scrambling against tiles as he tries and fails to push himself up. It _hurts_. **_Help._**

“Hinata-kun.”

_Help._

“Hinata-kun.”

_Please help._

“Hinata-kun...”

**_PLEASE HELP ME!!!_ **

“Hinata-kun.” A cold, almost skeletal hand closes around his from where it’s fruitlessly reaching. It squeezes, and with a choked-up sob, Hinata squeezes back. “Breathe.”

It’s difficult. It’s difficult, but he manages.

“In and out, Hinata-kun. It’ll be troubling if you suffocate now and I get blamed for it, you know?”

Hinata breathes. He nearly chokes.

“How careless and selfish can you be, I wonder? Reserve course students shouldn’t be this troubling. You really are a disappointment.”

Hinata nearly tightens his grip on that hand—but he takes in another breath, and he breathes. In, and out, in, and out, in—

“Ah, Hinata-kun, you’re really starting to hurt me. Do you want me to be with two bad hands? How heartless of you. You’re really...”

“Shut...!” Hinata gasps, swallows, and then pulls himself up. His vision spins for a minute but he shakes his head, and he musters up a tearful glare at Komaeda’s straight-lipped, unimpressed face. “Just shut the hell _up_ , Komaeda.”

Komaeda is, of course, unmoved. “Do you still need my hand, Hinata-kun? Because I need it, too.”

Hinata releases him with a scowl. He yanks his own hand back as though it’d been burned, and it was tingling. He rubbed at it, and groans.

(He wouldn’t admit this now or ever, but before he let him go, there was a solid few seconds where he hesitated. Where he hadn’t _wanted_ to let go—and even the part of him that would’ve acknowledged that, would’ve been quick to wave it away with a case of fear. He only ever approached Komaeda due to fear once he learned the truth. That’s all there was to it. Right? _Right._ )

“I’m really not going to get anything out of you, am I?” Hinata asks, low and almost despondent. “I’m...just wasting my time.”

“He _does_ learn!” Komaeda exclaims with awe and mock-surprise, hands pressed together “Oh, Hinata-kun, you finally _understand_! After _how long_?”

Hinata glowered, but it soon faltered as his gaze fell to Komaeda’s hands—to all the bandages wrapped around his right. When his gaze lowered even more, he almost let out a hiss at realizing that the way Komaeda was sitting caused the robe to ride up, exposing his bandaged thighs. He can’t begin to imagine how wretched the scars would be.

That is, if Komaeda survived that much longer. That is, if Komaeda didn’t try something like this again and succeed.

_How can you smile like that when like this? If—if this is really your own doing... Then...why? Why would you want to die like_ this _? If the spear hadn’t gotten stuck, you would’ve been impaled, too, and **there’s no way you would’ve survived** —_

“...Komaeda... Does it hurt?”

“Your grip had been rather tight, but it’s fine now,” Komaeda says, and he smiles. “No worries.”

“That’s...” Hinata hesitated. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh?” Komaeda asks with a tilt of his head. Hinata’s stare drops—or it would have, had his eyes not gotten caught on all the tubes taped to those long, skinny arms. He swallows, but Komaeda goes on without a care. “What is it you meant, Hinata-kun?”

“Those injuries...” he mumbled. “Do they still hurt? I... It looked really bad when I found you... Most people would’ve died from blood loss, but you...”

_You really inflicted all that on yourself...?_

“It’s not as agonizing as before—but maybe that’s the pain medication, or maybe that part of my brain shut down. I’m not sure!” Komaeda’s so cheerful as he exclaims that. “It doesn’t matter—they’re not going to kill me, after all.”

“They could have...” Hinata swallowed. “If I hadn’t shown up when I did... You could’ve...”

“That doesn’t matter,” Komaeda said simply. “I’m still alive, aren’t I?”

Despite the brightness of the smile, despite the wideness of that grin—there was no doubting the stony resentment underlying those words.

_Still..._

“Yeah,” Hinata just agreed with a cold, cold nod. “Yeah, you are. Thank _god_.”

* * *

He ends up leaving without another word. He had his answers—not enough of them, but he had some. Honestly that was more than he even expected.

He feels exhausted. So beyond exhausted, but he has to keep guard.

“Hinata-kun...? Uu...”

He’s really not in the mood so he just ignores Monomi and her pitiful stare.

“U... Um...” She hiccups. “It must have been awful...so, so awful... But thank goodness the two of you survived... I’m so glad...”

“No thanks to you,” he huffed. She flinched. “It’s because of you that we’re on this damn island in the first place. Hell, it’s because of you that we don’t remember and what we don’t remember is what...”

_...what Komaeda’s so angry about...what could that possibly be? What did he find out?_

He has half a mind to go break into Komaeda’s cottage for more clues, but when he thinks about how Komaeda looked ready to cry, he feels almost disgustingly ashamed with himself.

_Even though it’s that guy—even though he did all of this... Even though there’s no way someone like him would ever care..._

Except. Komaeda had let him hold his hand. Komaeda told him to breathe. Even if it was just to avoid the trouble, he did that, too.

He was the first one to offer him a hand, but also the one who started the killings. He helped them during the trials, but he needlessly confused and aggravated them, too. He had smiled at him so openly, so innocently—and he had looked down upon him as if he were nothing more than filth.

_Someone like that—who we all hated and thought several times over we’d be better off without—wanted to die so badly._

Just how the _hell_ had things gone so wrong?

He wanted to cry, too.

_I won’t let him die._ The thought is almost fervent. _I’m **never** going to let him die. No matter what I have to do—I won’t ever just let Komaeda die. Not until he’s answered for all he’s done. But—even then, I... I don’t..._

Hinata buried his face into his knees.

“H-Hinata-kun?”

“Upupupu, such delicious despair!” He hears the bounce of Monokuma’s arrival. He hears Monokuma’s panting. “Like a siren’s call!”

“Eek! What are you doing?!” Monomi shrieked. “L... Leave him alone! Isn’t this enough?!”

“Ohhh? What’s pissed your diaper, baby sister?”

“S... Shut up!”

“ _Ohhhhh_?”

He can’t be bothered to care about the mascots bickering. Even when he hears Monomi yelp from having her ears pulled. Monokuma terrorizes her as always and he’s just tired of all of it. The only thing that mildly concerns him is the fact that their ridiculous back and forth could wake up Komaeda.

If Komaeda was even sleeping at all.

_Maybe...I should’ve waited...? Aha. Haha. What the hell, me? It’s not like Komaeda would appreciate that—he called you Ultimate Despair just for saving him._

Ultimate. **Despair**.

Hinata jolted up. Monokuma was still kicking Monomi, but he did get their attention.

“I remember hearing about the World Destroyers, the Future Foundation,” he finds himself rambling. “But—has there ever been anything called the Ultimate Despair?”

The crimson of Monokuma’s eye gleamed, and Monomi recoiled so violently.

“W-Why are you asking that, Hinata-kun?!”

“Yes, Hinata-kun,” Monokuma said, so cheerfully calm. “Whyever do you ask?”

Hinata opened his mouth and then he shut it.

_It’s not just Komaeda’s mad ramblings... Ultimate Despair... He called me that—for a **reason**._

“It’s something I remembered dreaming about.” The lie tastes like nothing. “That’s all.”

“Sounds like quite the despairing nightmare, hmm?” Monokuma asks. “Goodness! They grow up so fast!”

_The hell does that even mean? No. Honestly. I don’t fucking care. I have enough on my plate trying to figure out Komaeda. I know for a damn fact that Monokuma takes joy in frustrating and infuriating others._

“I-It’s just a nightmare,” Monomi whimpered. “J-Just an awful, awful nightmare...”

“Hush, Monomi!” Monokuma stomped on her harshly. “Don’t interrupt this very important conversation!”

_What Komaeda said was significant—Monokuma likely knows the truth behind it... But I shouldn’t trust him to tell me anything. Not for a second._

“What’s so important about it?” he finds himself asking anyway, but he keeps up his guard.

“Weeeeeell,” Monokuma sing-songs, and that red eye gleams brightly and maliciously. So much so that it’s almost blinding. “If you really want to knoooooow, I can just tell you outriiiiiiight.”

“N-No...!” Monomi’s gasp is barely above a whisper.

_Of course I know it won’t be that easy,_ Hinata thought dully. _If it were—that would be boring._

...

...

**_...boring?_ **

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Where the hell—did that even _come_ from?

He feels cold. But he wonders if that’s a trick of the mind, if he really feels _anything_.

“Actually.” He barely even hears himself right now. “Never mind. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Oh?” Monokuma tilts his head. “What’s up with that face?”

_What face? I don’t feel anything._

“Hinata-kun...?” Monomi pushes herself up weakly. “U-Um... Um...?”

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all. Both of you exhaust me. You...”

_Bore me._

“Annoy me. So I’m done.”

“ _Huuuuh_? Hinata-kun?”

“Hi...nata-kun...?”

Hinata opens the door to Komaeda’s room, and he slams it shut so that it’s between him and them. After that, it’s quiet. He can’t hear anything, anything at all—except a soft sigh. Softer shifts.

Blinking, Hinata turns to Komaeda, sleeping after all. He looks peaceful. Serene. Even when covered in those bandages. Hinata feels his lips twist, but he’s not quite sure what they twist into.

_Komaeda...you really do cause a lot of problems, don’t you? But at least you’re still here. That’s all that matters._

He strides forward, idly brushing Komaeda’s hair back, watching him sleep on. Like this, he really does look so innocent. The ivory strands are finer than they look. Funny, that.

Hinata inhales. Exhales. He feels...strange. So strange. He’s not sure if he feels like himself or not.

Things just feel— _strange_.

It’s late. Something’s flickering. It’s strange, it’s strange, it’s strange.

_Tomorrow—we’re going to get to the bottom of everything. Tomorrow... Komaeda will still be here and he’ll help us, whether he wants to or not._

Cupping Komaeda’s face, his thumb runs over that swollen lower lip.

_We’ll get out of here all together. And there’s nothing you can do about it._

**_That must bring you such despair. And it’s okay. It’s okay. As long as you’re still here._ **

Hinata kneeled down, laying his head on the bed where Komaeda slept without a care. It really was funny. Like this, the two of them matched with their bandages. They were _similar_.

_Tomorrow... We’ll all be together. You, me, and everyone else. I’m sure of it._

With that, his eyes fell shut and the world unraveled just a little further. With Komaeda’s bandaged hand in his, he didn’t feel anything else.


End file.
